


Kiss My Fulfillment

by Entwife_Incognito



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Estrangement, F/M, Friendship/Love, Reconciliation, Romance, smutty smut smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 18:34:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8412100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Entwife_Incognito/pseuds/Entwife_Incognito
Summary: Miscommunication. Terrible timing. Jane and Lisbon have drifted apart. Lisbon, looking for "fulfillment" away from Jane, forces him to move on, too. Jane has to let go of her, making big changes in his lifestyle, just to survive. Do they really not know where the answers are? One-shot, AU now. Disclaimer: I don't own anything about The Mentalist.Originally posted to FFnet on February 7, 2014. Now here with edits for improved readability.





	

Patrick Jane stuck his hands in his pockets and turned away. There was nothing he could say. Nothing he could do.  


'He doesn't try to run my life. He lets me be who I am.' What? Had she swallowed a pop psychology magazine? Personally, he cherished who she was. Longed for who she was. Wanted to be forever with who she was. What did Marcus Pike have on that? At three dates it couldn't be anything more than a hard dick. He had a hard dick, too. A twelve-year hard dick. The difference was Pike had declared his at the Lisbon customs gate.  


She hadn't fucked him yet. He would know from her walk and the muscle soreness she would show after that gate opened. It was like she didn't know Jane at all. Didn't see him.  


How could that be? After more than twelve years, she knew exactly who he was even if she didn't know every detail of his life. And she loved him. Nothing would make him doubt that. She must just find him unsuitable. That he could get. He was unsuitable, undeserving. And he couldn't think of anyone that would try harder to make her happy. He would do anything for her. But perhaps it was too late. Because apparently the only thing she wanted him to do was leave her alone. He had to do the one thing she asked.  


Jane had his couch moved out the next day. The Airstream was more comfortable and had better ambiance anyway.

"What's the deal?" Lisbon had asked when she saw the vacancy.  


"We all have to grow up, Lisbon."  


She still had a shocked look on her face when he had turned away.  


He found a nice two-bedroom apartment over the weekend, and hired a decorator.  


He found a good gentleman's shop with a highly recommended tailor and started replenishing his wardrobe. While he stopped wearing Lisbon's socks, he kept them clean and tucked and loved in the corner of his sock drawer.  


Definitely not in Walter Mashburn's class when it came to choosing a sports car, he found a beautiful brand new cobalt blue Mustang convertible and had already enjoyed the top down on a few bright warm Texas winter afternoons.  


"Wow. I had a Mustang a few years ago."  


"Not a convertible, though."  


Lisbon had looked cross. "No. Not a convertible." Her face red with irritation, she turned and walked away. When she started making comments about him regaining his lost youth, Jane did not respond. He deserved something nice to drive where he couldn't take the Airstream.  


He bought three pairs of very nice new shoes and set his old leather pair on the far end of his shoe shelf.  


"Wh- where are your shoes?" Lisbon gasped.  


"On my feet."  


"B-but, I've never seen you wear anything but your old leathers."  


"Didn't want to try to repair them again. Just too far gone."  


"Yeah." She looked puzzled.  


In a month he had furnished and appointed what he could call a home for the first time in going on thirteen years. He was amazed what a difference it made in his personal happiness. He hired a housekeeping service to come in once a week on a workday so he wouldn't be inconvenienced in his time off. He hung out at the pool a lot, did laps and worked on his tan. Before long, he was sleek as a seal, his fair skin a warm honey color under its golden freckles. His energy level and mood were robust. He took off his ring and stored it with his cuff links.  


"I didn't know you had freckles," Lisbon observed.  


"Sun brings 'em out."  


"Yeah. You're tan and you've lost weight."  


"Laps." He sat a desk, his hands folded and resting on his crossed knees.  


Her jaw dropped and she stared at his hands, eyes round. "Jane?"  


"Hmmmm?"  


"When did you take your ring off?"  


"Mmmm, maybe two, three weeks ago."  


"That long? I hadn't noticed."  


"Not surprising. We haven't seen that much of each other."  


"I'm sorry . . . "  


"Oh, no. Don't be. You're busy and there are plenty of people to partner up with."  


Had she gone pale? She licked her lips and looked away, then flared with color. "But we're partners."  


There really wasn't a polite way to respond to that. Certainly not one that Lisbon would not think controlling, in his estimation. Blushing a little, he stood, looked at her and didn't try to hide his mild confusion. "I, uh, I guess I'll head to the Airstream for a cup of tea."  


Lisbon looked at him, cocking her head in thought. "Have you had a cup of tea in this building since we've been here?"  


He took a moment to think, himself. "Maybe. I can't remember. Not exactly a place to sit with a cuppa, you know?"  


"Yeah. Well. See ya, then."  


"See you, Lisbon."  


Their estrangement saddened him. But damned if he knew what to do about it. As far as he could see, he had no rights in the situation at all.  


Dating casually now, the sex was casual, too. Just for fun. No particular attachment to any of the partners he chose, Jane enjoyed each of them in either occasional or very short-term relationships. It felt good to satisfy his physical needs with a woman again, and his confidence built as he saw that he could consistently satisfy the women he bedded. Attracting women had never been a problem, and his skills in reading people let him choose partners who were not looking for a real relationship either.  


If Lisbon was sleeping with Pike, or anyone else, Jane had missed the signs. He just wasn't around her enough to notice anymore. It had been months since he'd really talked to her. They'd shared team assignments on occasion, but they mainly talked about the cases. When they'd conducted business, they went their separate ways.  


One day, Jane was entering the Airstream when Lisbon parked next to him, returning from the field. Waving from inside her car, she got out quickly and came to the door. "What are you doing?"  


"Just going to have a cup of tea."  


"Oh." She didn't turn away, but stood shifting on her feet and then passed another few moments putting her keys carefully into her purse instead of tossing them in like her habit of old.  


"Uh. Do you want a cup? Of coffee, I mean. I have a Keurig in here. There's probably something you can drink."  


"Yeah. Sure. I'll have a cup."  


When he handed her the mug, she blew on it and looked pointedly around at the motor home's interior. "You made a nice deal, here."  


"Thanks. I'm really enjoying it."  


"I can't believe this is the first time I've stepped foot in it."  


"I didn't think you'd want—"  


"You never asked."  


Jane felt the noise of his thoughts ride the subsonic register into silence like the vacuum before a tremendous explosion. An explosion he didn't want to detonate.  


He sat heavily at the table across from Lisbon on the couch, rotating his cup quietly in its saucer, his eyes riveted but not seeing it.  


"I tried to understand. Since I was dating someone . . . "  


He looked up sharply, initially relieved. "Yes! Yes, I knew you wanted space."  


"I didn't want a vacuum."  


"You never said . . . "  


"I could see you were moving on. You seemed to be doing well. I didn't want to drag you back."  


Jane was confused. "Drag me back? To what?"  


"To whatever it was in our relationship that kept you stuck . . . unhealthy."  


"Six weeks, Lisbon. You gave me six weeks to get unstuck and healthy. And try to find a balance with you that wouldn't make you toss me completely."  


Silence. Jane took it up since Lisbon didn't. "I couldn't get it done in time."  


"In time for what?"  


"Before you moved on." He felt the need to be polite, let her know it wasn't all about him. "How is Marcus, by the way?"  


"We only saw each other five or six times. It was nice to be courted like that. He nearly swept me off my feet."  


Jane's chest was a hollow cauldron, burned dry and ringing as it cracked. Their timing was shit. "Why didn't you say anything?"  


"I didn't want to interrupt you. Things were going good for you. I figured you'd let me know when you . . . needed me."  


"You figured wrong. I wouldn't have done that."  


A sharp intake of breath. "Wow. That hurt."  


"I didn't mean it to."  


"Yeah, I know. Was I that far wrong?"  


"I don't know." He sighed. "Apparently our communication is as bad as our timing."  


Jane stared at his cup while Lisbon switched knees to cross her legs on. She cleared her throat.  


"You got anything to eat in here?"  


"I've got some fruit. Some nice ripe strawberries, as a matter of fact. I bet you'll like those." He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bowl of clean berries, deep red and immediately fragrant.  


"Mmmmm. You always find the best fruit."  


Her smile felt so familiar. Pleasant and warm as the sun that had ripened the berries. The memory seemed far away, rattling like dry leaves in the cracked shell of his hollow chest.  


"They needed to be eaten, so I brought them from home." He picked a small one from the bowl and popped it into his mouth, enjoying the burst of flavor, so fresh.  


"You staying at a motel around here?" It was an idle, polite question.  


"No, I have an apartment."  


"You have an apartment?" Her eyes were wide with surprise.  


"For several months now. Two bedrooms." He smiled. "I even furnished it."  


"You never said . . . "  


"It didn't seem that important."  


"I just figured you were living . . . in here."  


"I can see why you'd think that."  


Suddenly Lisbon's lips almost disappeared in a tight line, her eyes cast down and her complexion paled. "Jane, I, I think I hurt you." She looked up in time to see Jane's face mimic her own as his eyes focused on his knees. "I think I was harsh and, and unfair. I think you thought I was pushing you away."  


"Weren't you?"  


"I—I don't know."  


That was a lie. But he wasn't going to confront her about it. He didn't feel he had a place for that anymore. Instead, he fidgeted, slowly turning his empty cup.  


"I'd better get into the office." Lisbon put her cup in the sink and put her hand on the door latch to go. Without looking at him, she asked, "Would you do me a favor, Jane? Maybe a big one?"  


"If I can, Lisbon, sure."  


"Would you move your couch back?"  


Now he was definitely confused, unsure what to say. "It's just in building storage. I'll ask maintenance to bring it up."  


"And . . . would you come sit in it sometimes?"  


"Yes. Of course. I'll make a point of it."  


"Good. Thanks." She opened the door. "I miss you, Jane." She went out, closing the door quietly behind her.  


Fixing another cup of tea, he sat brooding about minefields. He cancelled his date for the night, took the Mustang for a little spin and went home.  


Next morning, he brought a cup and saucer into the building with him, along with a selection of teas. The china was delicate, bluebonnets sprouting around the bowl of the cup, the saucer white circled by two thin lines of blue and green. A lone star interrupted their continuity at the front. A bit busy, but very nice quality and suited to his status as a new Texan. He brewed a cup and sat at the never-used desk assigned to him. The couch hadn't arrived.  


Lisbon followed maintenance as they brought the couch in and set it by the window. She put her things away and sat in her chair, turning it to face Jane as he watched her over a sip of tea.  


"Thank you."  


He gave her a little nod and set down his tea.  


"Beautiful cup and saucer. Where'd you get it?"  


"A shop I know." He had to admit the couch looked very inviting, even in all the bright cold light. Flashing a small smile at Lisbon without looking at her, he went to the couch, tested its cushions with his hands and sat down, bouncing a bit. "Forgot how good this feels." Looking up, he saw Lisbon smile and nod at him. "Cold by this window today, though."  


The next morning, Lisbon found a small gift-wrapped box on her desk with a little card saying it was from Jane. Smiling, she opened it just as he came in from the break room with his tea. She pulled out a cup and saucer exactly like his. Blushing, she thanked him.  


"You can drink coffee in those, too, you know."  


"So, I've heard." She opened the lid to her drive-thru brew and poured some into her new cup." Taking a sip, she asked. "How will we tell them apart?"  


Jane dug in his pocket and pulled out a blue china marker. Setting his cup on her desk, he marked 'PJ' on the bottom of the saucer, then 'TL' on the bottom of hers. He swallowed his tea down and marked the bottom of his cup, then set the china marker on her desk. "Mark your cup when you've finished your coffee."  


Taking a long pull on the coffee in her new cup, Lisbon held out a large bag for Jane with her other hand. He smiled and took it from her. It wasn't often that people gave him presents. He wasn't sure Lisbon ever had.  


He sat on the couch to unveil the contents. "It's beautiful, Lisbon! Thank you!"  


It was a warm oversized throw for his couch, lofty and soft to the hand. A marvel of deep blues, swirling and flowing like deep water. Setting the bag aside, he immediately stretched out on the couch. The throw seemed to float over him as he flung it out with a flick of his wrists and let it settle on his form. Then he pulled it over his head, wiggled his shoes and giggled. "It's perfect!" he said from underneath.  


A case came in and the team scattered to prepare for their trip to Colorado. Jane sat by himself in an empty seat at the tail of the plane and read the file. The case was complex and took several days with little time for visiting or sharing meals. Only a couple members needed to stay for the last two days.  


"I'll stay." Everyone nodded at Lisbon and mumbled thanks as they made ready to clear off.  


"Who do you need with you?" Fischer inquired.  


"Jane, I think." She looked at him. "If he's willing."  


Although he felt surprised, he managed not to show it. "There's really nothing left for me to do." He watched Lisbon's eyes go vacant with pain at his refusal and embarrassment that it was made in front of Fischer and the team. He actually shocked himself. Did he want to hurt Lisbon?  


Fischer's brow crinkled. "If you wouldn't mind, Jane?"  


"Oh. No. No, of course I'll stay. If you think you need me, Lisbon."  


"It's settled, then. You two wrap it up and we'll see you back in Austin." Fischer left with the rest of the team.  


It was late. Lisbon glanced at Jane without looking at him. "See you in the morning."  


"Lisbon! Wait. Have a drink with me?"  


"I'm tired. Morning will come early. Maybe coffee in the restaurant at breakfast?" She had recovered enough to look him in the eyes at least.  


"Please?"  


Still hesitating, Lisbon looked blankly across the lobby as if trying to decide. "Okay. Maybe a glass of red wine would be helpful. Get me to sleep."  


"Good! Thank you."  


They drank quietly, Jane nursing old bourbon, listening to the soft music in the bar. Lisbon was about halfway through her wine when Jane finally spoke. "I don't know what I was doing back there. I honestly think I wanted to hurt you, refuse you."  


It surprised him when Lisbon's look softened towards him and her eyes grew a little moist. "Thank you for being honest. It did hurt. A little. I can't blame you."  


"Why? Why not blame me for hurting you? Why forgive me again?"  


"Because I know you don't mean it. Because I've driven you to it."  


"Everything's so confusing, Lisbon. I don't know what to think. I can't read you anymore."  


"Yes, you can. I've just made you afraid to do it."  


"I am afraid. That I'll read you and do something that makes you feel I'm trying to control you." He looked at her and shook his head. "If you're angry at me, it's because I've done something. There's not a mean bone in your body."  


She snorted. "Oh, yes, there is. And it's all been trained on you."  


He stared at his drink. She tapped her fingers lightly on the table to make him look at her.  


"Hey. Don't make me Saint Teresa."  


He couldn't help a rueful little smile.  


"You don't survive raising three brothers without developing a healthy mean streak."  


Lisbon downed the last of her wine and stood up, moving closer still until Jane looked into her eyes. "I blamed you. I didn't take time to think. You couldn't talk to me before you tried to make that deal. You took a chance with, with your life, really, to get me a better job, this job, one I'd really love. All I saw was control. I didn't see the, the . . . I didn't see the love, Jane. You don't know how sorry I am that I hurt you that way. The fault was in me on that."  


There were so many things Jane wanted to say, but he couldn't speak, could only stare at her, his mouth wide and vulnerable, while the burner roared to life under the cracked empty cauldron of his chest. Helpless, he watched as she nodded and turned away for her room and the night. Why was it so hard? What did she want? What did he want? It had been so long since that really mattered. He ordered another bourbon.  


"Don't say anything. I know I look like hell."  


"Wow. You must have stayed on in the bar after I left. How many?"  


"Four."  


"I should have made you leave with me."  


"You're not responsible for me, Lisbon."  


The silence accused him.  


"Sorry. I'll be better after some tea and eggs."  


He drank Lisbon's water until he could order. When the waitress arrived, she set their breakfast on the table. The eggs looked perfect and fluffy. His saucer held an English and an Irish breakfast tea bag.  


"I didn't know which you wanted this morning, so I ordered both."  


"How did you know when I'd be down?" He chose the Irish and prepared his tea.  


"I remember your habits, Jane. Besides, I gave the waitress your description and your order ahead of time and signaled her when you came in so she could get the cook right on it. How are your eggs?"  


"Do you have to ask?" He was wolfing them down. Hot. Perfect. Delicious. And rye toast!  


"I told her how they should be made. I'm glad."  


Jane pointed a fork at her plate of bacon and toast, a small bowl of strawberries on the side. "Come on, Lisbon. Eat up. We need to get a move on."  


She smiled as she sprinkled sugar on the sliced berries and poured some of his milk over them. He started his second cup of tea with the English, taking the glass from her hand before she could set it down, to pour milk in the bottom of his cup.  


At the local sheriff's office, they finalized three interviews for the record, Jane gathered their evidence file while Lisbon finished the paperwork and filed that. The weather was caustic, near zero with a high wind that blew close to the ground. Neither was used to it and agreed once they made it to the hotel, they wouldn't go out again until they left for the airport in the morning.  


"Hungry?"  


"Not quite yet, Jane. I'd like to get a shower and get comfortable before I eat."  


"I can wait if you want company."  


"Sure. Seven-thirty?"  


"See you downstairs."  


Jane stretched out on his bed, propped against the wall, thinking. Today had been a really good day. He had forgotten how easily he and Lisbon complemented each other in the tasks that needed doing. But it was different, too. There was no bickering today. He didn't know if he liked that or not. They were probably trying too hard to get along. But, he decided that making an effort to be together was a good thing.  


Arriving a little early for dinner, he ordered a good wine. Red, in case Lisbon would have trouble sleeping again. A frisson went down his spine as soon as he saw her walking towards him.  


Her hair was brushed out simply, shining and fluffy around her head. She had changed from trousers to jeans and wore an adorable plaid flannel shirt in feminine ice cream colors under a stylish jean jacket. A thread of green in the weave accented her round lovely eyes. She sported comfy looking sneakers that matched a purple theme in the shirt and set off the color of her jeans. Modest hoop earrings and no make up finished her look.  


When Lisbon sat down, Jane could see she had an extra unbutton, her movements making the shirt reveal one side or the other of her cleavage as she moved and even a bit of ice cream purple lace. Her eyes were dewy, she smiled a lot as she talked and seemed unaware that she frequently bit her bottom lip when she looked at him. Yes, and her eyes dilated! He felt very uncomfortable to realize he had fallen into reading her, enjoying her mood, her behavior and her signals of interest in him as if she was someone he was considering for sex and whether it would be a few nights or ongoing occasional. He reddened and looked away.  


This was Lisbon! She wouldn't be in one of those categories. And if she knew he was reading and assessing her, she would be furious. But wasn't this how men and women assessed one another for potential dating? Wasn't it normal? It was much too confusing. The only way he could meet Lisbon's expressed standards was to make sure he didn't put her in the category of dating material at all. But then, what were all these signals she was sending?  


"Jane? Jane. Have I lost you?"  


"No! No. Well . . . yes. In a way."  


Lisbon looked troubled, her mouth small and worried as she shaded her downcast eyes with her lids. "I'm sorry. I must have been blathering on."  


"No. No, Lisbon. I've just been distracted . . . " He tried to breathe his way to the right words while she waited quietly, probably for something awful, judging by her expression and the sudden lowering of her hands to her lap. She was wringing them. He could tell by the muscle movement in her arms. He sighed. Reading her again. "It's not bad . . . "  


She looked at him, skeptical, her head tilted and eyes narrowed with the beginning of hurt.  


" . . . distracted by your beauty tonight."  


Her lips relaxed, sumptuous and plump, slightly open. He couldn't keep looking there. Her eyes were no better, dark and deep, glistening at him. So he looked at the table and tried to control his mounting panic. He was sure his forehead must be starting to perspire and he allowed himself the huge tell of rubbing it with his hand.  


"Oh. Well . . . " She smiled to see his obvious distress and tried to tease. "It's all right, Jane. That doesn't sound so bad. I'm taking it as a compliment. It's been awhile since someone told me they were distracted by my beauty."  


"Except maybe for Pike . . . " That was a mistake.  


She froze almost imperceptibly, then dragged her menu over. "Maybe we can order a little dinner before we talk about him. He wouldn't have said it just that way, but yes, he told me I was beautiful."  


"He was right."  


Looking at him directly, she waited, almost daring him to say anything against Marcus or their dating.  


"You are beautiful. Especially tonight."  


"Thank you, Jane. Your way of telling me is very . . . dramatic."  


"I've always thought it. It was never right to say it. I feel very clumsy. Forgive me. I'm not sure what I'm allowed to say to you."  


"There's nothing to forgive. And you can say anything you want to me. Anything you need to say. We're friends. At least we're that."  


"Then I'm going to say some words and I want you to know that nothing even remotely like what happened before will happen again."  


The waiter came to the table and they gave their orders. Both were grateful for the break in the conversation.  


Lisbon lifted her newly refilled glass to him. "To better endings."  


Such a beautiful sentiment. He felt the kindness in her, trying to ease a difficult passage for him. "Better endings, Lisbon. Teresa, you have no idea what you've meant to me . . . what you mean to me."  


She set down her glass quietly. "You know we have nothing to discuss about that. I understand exactly why you did what you did. It hurt to be played like that. In that place. Humiliated and betrayed with affection. Like . . . "  


"Judas."  


"Yes. I suppose. But only going through it. I understood it right away. Just like you had to understand that it wouldn't stop me from getting to you."  


"No. It didn't. You probably saved my life."  


"I know I did."  


"I'm in the greatest debt."  


"I thought so for a long time."  


Their salads arrived and they went through the ritual of being peppered and cheesed.  


"Mmmmm. This is good. I'm starving! There are capers in here, look." Lisbon held one up on her fork. "I love capers. They sort of pop and sort of crunch."  


Jane smiled. It felt good to see her break to feel happy about a simple thing. He considered it a mark of good mental health.  


The main course followed. She had ordered pasta, he chicken. They decided to share each other's dinner and had fun arguing over whether it was being apportioned fairly until Lisbon stopped their silly squabbling.  


"Wait! We'll use this rule. One cuts. The other chooses."  


"Oh! So I'm one of your brothers, now!"  


"It's fair! You know it is."  


They followed her rule and she subverted it by taking the smallest portion of each.  


"I knew it! I knew you'd find a way to give me more, Lisbon."  


"I'm smaller than you. I don't eat as much."  


"Couldn't we have saved ourselves the trouble and just gone ahead with what we were doing? We were almost done with the squabbling anyway."  


"It was more fun this way." Lisbon held her breath, trying to keep from dissolving into laughter. But Jane started giggling and they both fell apart for a little while. It felt good.  


They had raspberry sherbet for dessert. Jane was enough under the wine's spell to utter an inanity about eating the sherbet being like eating her shirt because of a vein of its color. Lisbon just chortled at him and rolled her eyes.  


Setting her spoon carefully down when she was finished, Lisbon said, "I really don't want to stay here any longer. Can we finish our conversation in one of our rooms?"  


Jane just stared at her. She was a beautiful pink and the warm color spread down her neck and onto the whispered mounds of her décolletage, light purple lace running to who knew where. Her hair was fuller, picking up her own humidity, no doubt brought on by the warmth of the wine. Maybe she had too much clothing on. Her lips were a little dry from her meal and the drinking.  


When he said nothing, Lisbon continued. "Mine has a sitting area. Does yours?"  


"Yes." What could she be thinking? They had finished a bottle of wine, and although neither was drunk, both were flushed with it, with a good dinner and good company. If she were any other woman, he would recognize such an invitation as being to her bed. Should he accept? "Okay."  


"Mine is closer."  


"Okay."  


"Unless you feel we've talked enough tonight."  


Jesus, he didn't want to say what he knew he needed to say. "No. There's something I really need to tell you."  


"Okay." She got up and touched his arm. "Don't worry about it. It's going to be all right."  


When he looked into her eyes, he believed her. But it wouldn't make it much easier to say.  


"Drink some water before we go, Lisbon. Your lips look parched."  


She downed the rest of the glass they had shared without thinking.  


The ride in the elevator seemed long. But they often looked at each other for moments at a time, calmly, without urge to say anything. It was comfortable when it shouldn't have been.  


"Do you want anything from the mini-bar?"  


"Is there a club soda?" He sat in one of the armchairs.  


"I'm sure there is." She broke the seal and fished out a small chilled bottle and grabbed a glass from the adjacent desk. Pulling the cap, she gave both to him.  


"Share?"  


"Sure." She got a glass for herself. "Now. What did you want to tell me?" She took the other chair.  


"I'm going to tell the truth to you. Because if I lie, it will be manipulating you, trying to control you in a small way. Maybe a big way, to you. But I have to confess, Lisbon . . . " His voice grew a bit loud with emotion and he took a moment to regain control. "I have to confess that I'm terrified that the truth will send you packing as quickly as a discovered lie."  


Lisbon reached her hand across the table. "Then I'll go easy on you. I don't want you to be afraid of me."  


Jane couldn't recall when anything more kind had been said to him. His eyes watered and he struggled to regain control. A look of sympathetic concern on her face, Lisbon reached to briefly touch him for the second time that night. "It's okay, Jane. Just say it."  


"I sort of fell into a pattern."  


A nod of encouragement.  


"With women."  


She definitely froze as her cheeks started to brighten and she cleared her throat. "Okay." Her voice was a little unsteady. "How so?"  


"I have a number of casual relationships."  


"A number. What number?"  


"Several. It's kind of complicated."  


Jane could see the thoughts tumbling so fast that she had to jerk her head to look at him.  


"Before we go much further, I have to ask . . . why are you telling me this now, tonight?"  


This was a question he didn't expect and he pulled back as his head wobbled a little. "Well, because . . . because . . . "  


"Big elephants can always understand small elephants? I'm not an elephant, Jane. You're going to have to explain it to me. It wasn't a topic I was expecting."  


He wondered what she had been expecting, the look on his face slightly incredulous. "I guess we're surprising each other. Because I would have thought it obvious."  


Cocking her head sharply to indicate that the explanation had better be good, Lisbon said nothing.  


"You invited me to your hotel room, Lisbon."  


"To talk, Jane."  


"And nothing else? There's a bed in plain view. Right over there." His open hand indicated the direction. In other circumstances, it could have been an invitation.  


"Sex?"  


"Well, yes. It's what men and women do."  


"Not this man and this woman. Not so far." Her voice a little clipped, she managed to keep from being haughty or treating it as a joke.  


That was something to be grateful for.  


"Maybe you were right to bring this up now."  


"I thought so."  


"Go on."  


Cheeks puffing, Jane blew out a slow sigh, wishing he didn't have to go on. Make it quick and get it over.  


"Several women . . . "  


"Yes, I remember where I was, thank you. After you made it clear you were . . . going in a different direction in your life, I had to take a hard look at my own. You've seen a number of changes I made."  


Lisbon nodded and shrugged, recognizing a stall when she saw one.  


"Companionship was one way I moved on."  


"Companionship. Anything serious?"  


"No. Not at all. I wouldn't say it was just sex. But I wouldn't say it was much more than that."  


"What's much more?"  


Reddening a little with irritation, "Well, Lisbon, I do like to enjoy the company of the women I'm screwing."  


"You're the one who wanted to tell me this."  


Putting a calming hand out as if he was asking her to sit, just please sit, "I know. It's not easy. Either it's a night or two or three. Or it's longer-term, but occasional. Nothing any of us couldn't break off without difficulty if something serious came along."  


"How do you know? I mean, it's not serious on your part. How do you know it's not serious with these women?"  


"I know." She wasn't going to like this part. "I'm careful who I chose. I'm better than most at reading people." Almost imperceptibly, "You know that."  


"Yes. I know. How often do you . . . entertain?"  


"A few times a week. Does it matter?"  


"I'd say that's pretty regular sex with a variety of women."  


"Yes. That's the idea, Lisbon."  


His sharpness didn't stop her. "For how long?"  


"Since shortly after you started with Pike."  


"I never slept with Marcus."  


Jane's head snapped up to look at her. "What? Why not?"  


"It was nice to be courted, made so special in someone's eyes. But, in the end, I didn't feel that way about him." She shrugged.  


"Oh."  


"So your revenge was unnecessary."  


"That wasn't why. I needed to . . . at least . . . try. Try to move on if you wouldn't have me."  


"Wouldn't have you? You never asked me!" She didn't seem angry when she said this, more sad, even a little amused. Wry.  


"Six weeks, Lisbon. You only gave me six weeks. I was working on it."  


Looking sad, she made a noise of despair and shook her head. "I don't know what was wrong with me."  


"Nothing. Nothing was wrong with you, Teresa. You deserved happiness. Deserve it."  


"I still want to know a couple of things."  


"Ask away."  


"When was the last time you slept with someone?"  


"Maybe a week."  


"A week. That's a long time." She stopped short of rolling her eyes.  


That was uncalled for. He pouted and said nothing for a few moments. "I cancelled a date that day in the Airstream that you asked me to bring the couch back in."  


"How easy would it be for you to stop seeing these women? All of them."  


"With nothing to replace them? Not easy. I've grown used to the comfort of . . . regular companionship. Don't I deserve it after all this time and all I've been through?"  


"Yes. You deserve it. You should have it. As much as you want." She cleared her throat. "Protected?"  


"Of course."  


"No . . . accidents?"  


"No. None. Is this an interview?"  


"Not for a place in the line-up, no."  


He hadn't meant that kind of interview! What was she thinking? Trying not to look at her as he made his confessions, it was clear he'd missed something. Her lips looked swollen and ruddy as she licked them, her color high and her eyes dilated as she carefully watched him.  


"It's late, Jane. You'd better go. We have a flight to catch tomorrow."  


He reached the door as she was unhitching the chain and when she stepped back, she brushed against him, a path of fire, automatically putting her arm out to stay his movement until she could open the door. The back of her hand brushed against his chest and she looked up at him, apologetic. But apologizing for what? Before she could say anything he had taken her hand and held it to his heart. "Thank you for coming back to me, Lisbon. I was so lonely without you."  


Gently freeing her hand, she slid it around his ribs, moving in to lightly rest her head against his chest. "I'm so sorry I hurt you, Jane. Please forgive me."  


Surprised, he looked down as she raised her head to sprinkle little kisses that transferred fire to his jaw line, her warm sweet breath drifting to his nostrils. Her breath was labored and fast, a siphon.  


"Teresa!" Her kisses sent trails of flame through his body and sprang to life in his groin, immediately so hard he thought he would come where he stood.  


He bent as she started under his chin, baring his throat to her and she took it ravenously while working his coat from his arms where he let it drop to the floor. Taking his hands she kissed them over and over, lingering nowhere, and then rubbing her cheeks in his palms before she undid the buttons of his cuffs. But she lost patience trying to undo his shirt and, fisting both tails, pulled it apart with her strong arms, buttons popping and flying everywhere. Then her hands slid his chest, dropping the shirt to his arms so he could shake it to the floor. Before his arms were free, she had his pants open, her thumbs tucked into the waistband, hooking his underwear on the way down. He managed to toe out of his shoes before she dropped his pants to his ankles. Then she took hold of him.  


He roared when she touched his skin as if he'd been burned, branded, fighting not to come and longing to lash her with stripes of hot cream at the same time.  


"Shhhhhhh." Pressing both hands gently on his chest, she moved him to the door and took a couple steps back. Fascinated, he watched as she began to slowly undo her clothing. Loosening her cuffs, she started on the front. The first undone button revealed the depth of her cleavage rising from the ice cream flannel. Only a few more buttons and she pulled the shirt open. He was staring at sweet mounds, so round and full and framed in purple lace. She moved closer, inviting him, and he fell on her breasts, worshipping them with wet kisses, laying his head on them as his hands filled the sides and squeezed, making her moan.  


Pushing him gently back again, looking into his eyes, she removed the rest of her clothing, her bra last. He gazed at her naked form, more splendid than he had ever dreamed, her perfect breasts pointing for him, her naked nether lips peeking under a short thatch of dark, curling hair.  


Mouth open in wonder, he saw that she was gazing at him, licking her lips at his torturously full cock, thick and ruddy and weighted with blood, starting to drip. He took a step towards her and caught her under the arms, lifting her and setting her back firmly against the wall. She tried to throw her head back in a rush of passion and could only arch it to the side because of the wall. Moaning, she looked at him. Her legs opened and reached, seeking the anchor of his waist.  


Opening her closed fist, she revealed a condom packet.  


"Open it."  


She tore the packet. "I want to put it on you."  


He supported her with his knees against the wall, pinning her at the waist. Holding the condom under her lips, she puckered and dropped water from her mouth into its well before turning it on him and caressing it down, coating him with her lubrication. He caught the scent from her open legs, sweet and musky and strong with desire.  


As soon as she removed her hands, he returned her to the wall with a solid thud and was at her entrance, toying in her heat and the squish of her wet. Gripping him with her calves, her eyes were drowsy slits as she nodded and he slipped into her like a knife, making her cry out, so tight. She never stopped except to gasp, wavering calls in rhythm with his wild pummeling jabs, landing deep inside as she sunk onto him, gripping his arms as a fulcrum for her hips, prompting him deeper, harder until she broke with a throaty scream. He called after her, sounding the pleasure of her internal squeeze before his release. When they were finally just gasping for air, he heard the drip, drip, drip as he drained from the condom.  


He carried her to the bed, still joined, letting her cling to him as he tore down the covers. He didn't soften. They made love slowly and face to face as he kneeled between her legs and held onto her hips to angle deeper. He took time to kiss her breasts and suckle the nipples until she was gasping, groaning his name. "Patrick!"  


Her face was relaxing into bliss, so beautiful, so special, for him. "You are special, Teresa . . . " He thrust. " . . . special to me!" He ground into her, making her come. Covering her face with kisses as it contorted in beautiful ecstasy, he continued thrusting as punctuation to her contractions as they went on and on. "You're special to me, Teresa. The most special. The only special. I love you more than life. More than my freedom. More than my happiness. Only you." His climax put him to sleep.  


Dawn was a mere glow in the curtains when he awoke. The condom lay in a wet spot on the sheets where it had fallen. Teresa was curled in sleep, her back to him. Dropping the condom in the trash when he got up for the bathroom, he slipped a hand in his fallen trouser pocket and retrieved a fresh one.  


He woke her with his hand roving her side, just feeling her flesh. His touch made her stir. On her side, her breasts were squashed between her arms, but he finger-walked to find a soft nipple, toying with it as it firmed up before spreading his fingers wider to capture the other one. Soon he was tweaking both, one in the crease of his palm and the other between the fan of his fingertips, pinching, pulling, squeezing, pressing. When he let them go, it was to cup and fondle the flesh of each breast, starting at the crease where it lay on her ribs until he had both globes in some part of his moving hand. His breath was as heavy in her ear as her breast was in his hand.  


When she was aroused and mewling, he slipped an arm under her side and captured her breasts to pull her to his chest. Her hips he pushed away to fondle from behind, stroking her ass from where his fingers were embedded in the crease at her leg all the way to her waist, traveling like a flash fire, trailing a finger along the cleft as he circled to the other cheek. When she started to move, her bottom rubbing his hand as thoroughly as his hand rubbed her ass, he slipped his fingers into the well of her sex from behind. Toying with the sensitive flesh that wasn't quite her pussy, he used her moisture to rub a place so sensitive it was like he formed a new clit for her, using the wide span of his fingers to stimulate both at the same time.  


By this time she was begging for him, moving her hips to capture his fingers and force them inside. When he obliged her, she groaned and turned toward him, and he rose up to let her swing her leg over his head to lay flat and open to him, his cheek only inches from the fleshy comfort of her belly. She lifted a little to watch him finger-fuck her with his ring and middle fingers while his index finger snaked her clit until it decided to do the devil's work on the tip. When she shifted her half-lidded eyes to his face, he had turned his head to watch her, snaking his tongue on the skin over her ovary, sucking up the flesh to make a mark. Just the sight of what he was doing tipped her over the edge and made her come. He was straddled and inside her before the spasms were over, demanding, "More!"  


Bending and drilling at the same time, he savaged her nipples in turn, the sounds of his sucking and tonguing crude and lascivious with the grunting of his final thrusts, the slapping of his balls against the tender flesh of her wide-open legs. Her hands flew to her clit as she came, and he watched as she pressed on it, soothing herself through the tempestuous orgasm. When she recovered enough to notice, she tutted and whimpered at the nipped flesh of her breasts and the teeth still gently sunk into her shoulder. She shrugged him loose and captured his mouth instead, holding him in a long deep kiss that made him moan with pleasure and finally sigh with satisfaction as he lay his head on her chest, their bodies separating in the cool-down.  


He smiled and snuggled against a breast. "Last night . . . did you . . . seduce me over a meal?"  


"I don't know. Does it matter who seduced whom?" She got up and went to the bathroom.  


Jane giggled to himself a little, then got up and gathered his clothes, waiting for her to come out. She walked by without really looking at him, rummaging for clean clothes.  


He wished she would face him so that she'd know he was playing with her. "Oh. So you admit it was a seduction. It was definitely you then. Yes. We should get it straight. Because I had no such intent."  


She walked past him without looking to set her clothes on the bed to dress, her fine naked back and hips, the plush buttocks calling him. "This wasn't supposed to happen."  


The dry cauldron in his chest boomed, a final crack shattering it, pieces sharp as glass raining down inside him. His cheeks were dripping in moments. "Don't. You can't . . . " She would destroy him if she rebuffed him now. He could feel the shards dissolve at his feet.  


When she turned, she ran to him. "No! No! Patrick! It's all right. I didn't mean it that way. I should have been looking at you. I should have been holding you so you could see. I should have finished my thought in your arms. Hold me!"  


His voice cracked high as the sobs fell out his hollow chest. "I don't think I can stand . . . "  


Pulling his arm, she made him walk with her to the bed. "Lie down." He sat, listless and sobbing ugly. She climbed on the bed and grabbed him from behind, pulling him down and into her arms. "Don't. Don't, Patrick. Everything's all right. It shouldn't have happened. But it did. And I loved it. I'm not tossing you. I'm not leaving you. Not ever again until you make me."  


"I couldn't stand another round of pain. Loneliness. Of being without you. After all we've been through. And I thought . . . last night . . . we were trying for real."  


"We were, Jane. It was. It is. Please believe me. I wouldn't lie about this."  


He turned to her. "No, you wouldn't lie. Not about this. You know what it would do to me." He started sobbing again. "You're seeing it now." He started wiping his face with his palms, cleaning under his nose with his arm. Lisbon reached to the far nightstand and grabbed the tissue box, pulling several to hand to him.  


"Yes. The same as it would do to me, from you."  


"I wouldn't do that."  


"No. I know now."  


He hiccupped. "Oh, god. This is pitiful."  


"Not pitiful. Pitiable."  


"It's unmanly." More hiccups. "You don't know how bad . . . how much . . . how awful it was to be without you. Every day. And every day meant never again. As many times as I've tricked and manipulated you, Lisbon . . . for me to come back like that after two years gone and insist you work with me . . . I don't blame you for feeling like I was trying to take over your life. I guess I did. It was my only chance to make things up to you, even just a little bit. Plus to be back with you again. I would have done anything. How could you not want to make me pay?"  


She kissed the side of his head and gave him a jiggle hug. "Oh, you'll pay. But you won't pay by losing me. Or any part of me. I'll take it out of your hide." She reached low to where he was soft and sweet, then kissed his lips before moving her mouth to where her hands had already started fondling him. When she put her mouth on him, he was soft as taffy but not for long.  


Her mouth was warm and soft, loving and seeking. Her hands molded him and shaped him until he was breathless. "Please, I want to see your face when I come."  


Lisbon moved up to him, her hands and fingers making love to everything that made him male. When he struggled to maintain control, she kissed his forehead and whispered on his mouth, "Come on, sweetheart, give it to me."  


It was a silly endearment. But it entered his body with her breath, and pleasure tingled everywhere as it blossomed, tripping him over the edge to give her what she asked for. Anything for Lisbon. He emptied onto her belly as she cooed in his ear. She ran her hand soothingly down his back to his hip, over and over as he calmed down.  


"Lisbon. Yes, I wanted you to have this job. I made a big mistake about that, thinking you'd want the same thing. There was no way I could tell you, check with you first. I just had to believe you would. But it was all in my imagination. Just something I wove so that I could survive on that island without you. That someday maybe I could make it back to you. And we could be happy together."  


"That's the love I didn't see, Jane. But I do, now."  


"Everything's all right now."  


"Yes. Everything."  


Jane didn't know that when he fell asleep on the plane, he slumped over to lay his head on Lisbon's shoulder. Nor that she not only let him, but had enjoyed it and even rested against him, her hand on his while he slept. When he awoke, she was returning from the restroom, smiling, tapping him on the shoulder to let her in. He swept her to her seat and brought his face close for a kiss and she met his lips, warm and sweet with her hand on his cheek. Then, they settled in, shoulder to shoulder for the return home to Austin and whatever life brought them. Together.


End file.
